The real Santa responds to kids letters...

rstarr · 12-16-2002, 06:18 AM

Dear Santa,
I wood like a kool toy space ranjur for x-mas. Iv
ben good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a monkey
trainer. How about I send you a f*cking book so you
can learn to read AND write? I'm giving your older
brother the space ranger.

Santa

************************************************** *

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing
I ask for is peace and joy in the world for
everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Quit smoking pot....

Santa

************************************************** *

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back
together. Please see what you can do.

Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
What...., and ruin that hot affair your dad's still
having? He's banging that one like a screen door in
a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice LEGOs
instead.

Santa

************************************************

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?

Love,
Marky

Mark,
First of all, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's
why you're getting your ass whipped at school.
Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent
apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get
inside your pad just like all the burglars do,
through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams!
Santa

************************************************** **

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney, begging sh*t may work with your folks,
but that crap doesn't work up here. You're getting
a sweater vest and underwear again.

Santa

************************************************** **

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the sh*ts and carrots make the deer
shoot air biscuits in my face. You really want to
be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Southern Comfort
instead....

Santa

bearax · 12-16-2002, 06:20 AM

that last one is too funny....I almost shot oatmeal out my nose

12-16-2002, 06:21 AM

You're a bright ray of Christmas spirit this year aren't you, rstarr!

rstarr · 12-16-2002, 06:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by kzinti1
You're a bright ray of Christmas spirit this year aren't you, rstarr!

Times are tough, and so is Santa this year!

12-16-2002, 06:24 AM

Unlike your Santa, "The Christmas spirit is not what you drink." (Jethro Tull)

rstarr · 12-16-2002, 06:28 AM

JD and coke please...(not the snoring kind either!)

Georules · 12-16-2002, 02:33 PM

heh pretty good.

huboldium · 12-16-2002, 07:37 PM

i love it, the peace and happiness especially

12-16-2002, 06:18 AM	#1
rstarr Still cruising Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Radcliff, KY Posts: 12,012	The real Santa responds to kids letters... Dear Santa, I wood like a kool toy space ranjur for x-mas. Iv ben good boy all yeer. YeR FReND, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a monkey trainer. How about I send you a fcking book so you can learn to read AND write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. Santa ************************************************* * Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Quit smoking pot.... Santa ************************************************** * Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, What...., and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having? He's banging that one like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice LEGOs instead. Santa ********************************************** Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First of all, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams! Santa ********************************************** Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney, begging sht may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work up here. You're getting a sweater vest and underwear again. Santa *********************************************** Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the sh*ts and carrots make the deer shoot air biscuits in my face. You really want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Southern Comfort instead.... Santa __________________ HCW F@H Member Stats • F@H Home • F@H FAQ• Stats site•

12-16-2002, 06:20 AM	#2
bearax Truly HARDCORE Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Rhode Island, USA Posts: 1,182	that last one is too funny....I almost shot oatmeal out my nose __________________ don't make me angry....you wouldn't like me when I am angry.

12-16-2002, 06:28 AM	#6
rstarr Still cruising Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Radcliff, KY Posts: 12,012	JD and coke please...(not the snoring kind either!) __________________ HCW F@H Member Stats • F@H Home • F@H FAQ• Stats site•

12-16-2002, 07:37 PM	#8
huboldium Producer Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Downtown Vancouver Posts: 4,523	i love it, the peace and happiness especially __________________ -------------------------------------------------- Check out my music and mixes: http://djhouston.ca Need a website?: http://psytechcomputing.com computer specs: q6600 @2.8, 4gb corsair xms2, IP35-Pro, 2 seagate 7200.11 500gb, echo mia midi, samsung asus EN8600GT silent, samsung 206bw, eizo flexscan s2031w, adam a7 studio monitors, mk-249 midi controller, bcf-2000 midi controller

12-16-2002, 06:21 AM	#3
kzinti1 Guest Posts: n/a	You're a bright ray of Christmas spirit this year aren't you, rstarr!

12-16-2002, 06:24 AM	#5
kzinti1 Guest Posts: n/a	Unlike your Santa, "The Christmas spirit is not what you drink." (Jethro Tull)