Axis of Evil Wannabes, by John Cleese

jenious · 03-12-2003, 09:42 AM

Axis of Evil Wannabes, by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya,
China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as
Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North
Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as
Evil...in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il.
"Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil...we're the
best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.

"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An
Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President
Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have
three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations
rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical
chairs.

Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil,"
forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of
Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the
"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable."

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up...Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis
of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host
the Olympics."

Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America,"
while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries
That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat,
really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First
Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making
fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he
rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in
"Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application.
Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately, leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

Kidkameleon3 · 03-12-2003, 09:54 AM

Some of the funniest I have heard in weeks.

Fah Q · 03-12-2003, 09:55 AM

AgrAde · 03-12-2003, 10:06 PM

03-12-2003, 10:23 PM

good old john cleese

BPizzuti · 03-12-2003, 11:19 PM

So which Axis is the USA part of?

And you forgot about Japan, Britain, and the Phillipines, who are part of the Axis of Only Being Nice To The USA Because Their Economies Absolutely Depend On It.

moebius · 03-13-2003, 03:24 PM

Thats great, chadquay LOL

wilcox · 03-13-2003, 05:15 PM

J2T · 03-14-2003, 01:44 PM

ROFL, that was freakin funny. You gotta love John Cleese.

03-12-2003, 09:42 AM	#1
jenious Paid Loafer Join Date: Mar 2000 Location: McAdam, New Brunwsick, Canada Posts: 9,244	Axis of Evil Wannabes, by John Cleese Axis of Evil Wannabes, by John Cleese Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil...we're the best." Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool." International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable." With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up...Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics." Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell. While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

03-12-2003, 09:54 AM	#2
Kidkameleon3 "you gonna hit this?" Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Ohio Posts: 6,670	Some of the funniest I have heard in weeks. __________________ Grab that drum fool

03-12-2003, 09:55 AM	#3
Fah Q KCP Join Date: May 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 754	__________________ Computer Spec's & Benchmarks

03-12-2003, 11:19 PM	#6
BPizzuti Truly HARDCORE Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Poughkeepsie, NY Posts: 1,016	So which Axis is the USA part of? And you forgot about Japan, Britain, and the Phillipines, who are part of the Axis of Only Being Nice To The USA Because Their Economies Absolutely Depend On It. __________________ ----------------------------------------- It's a P4 2.4 Ghz with 512k cache and a 533 MHz FSB And it has whatever I want it to have depending on the time of day.

03-13-2003, 03:24 PM	#7
moebius 3NDL355 7\/\/!573D 3\/!L Join Date: May 2002 Location: Annapolis D.C. Baltimore Posts: 1,054	Thats great, chadquay LOL __________________ Original music by DJ Moebius available on [][]Fire Cell Productions[][]!!! DIGITAL []D [] []V[] []D

03-12-2003, 10:06 PM	#4
AgrAde Truly HARDCORE Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 5,279

03-12-2003, 10:23 PM	#5
sanity1a Guest Posts: n/a	good old john cleese

03-13-2003, 05:15 PM	#8
wilcox punkin' daft Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: great white north eh! Posts: 6,490	__________________ * 20" iMac * 2.4GHz Intel Core 2 Duo * 4 GB memory * 500GB SATA hard drive * 8x double-layer SuperDrive * ATI Radeon HD 2600 PRO with 256MB memory * OSX Leopard Snow

03-14-2003, 01:44 PM	#9
J2T softcore 1st class Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Orlando, FL Posts: 83	ROFL, that was freakin funny. You gotta love John Cleese. __________________ Tbird [email protected] (140x11) Alpha PAL8045 Iwill KK266 Plus 48X LG CD-ROM Lite On 32X12X40 C-media onboard 5.1 audio 256mb Crucial PC133 CL2 Chaintech GT20 Ti4200 Maxtor 30G ATA100 Enermax 350W Windows XP Pro 3dMark2001 PCMark2002